Stages of Acceptance

I read about the stages of acceptance online somewhere and I really related to them. I can't remember where these came from or I would've noted that, but I also added my own thoughts to each. I look forward to hearing your comments. 

 

Stage 1. Denial – It won’t happen to us.

Infertility is actually very common in couples, but you tend to think it won't happen to you. So, when it does...

 

Stage 2. Anger – At your body for betraying you, your spouse for not always being able to understand how you’re feeling, at people who get pregnant so easy or without trying (and the ones that tell you that), at having no control, at God for not answering your question “WHY?”

This is a tough and lonely place to be. You know better than to be angry at things or people for this, but you can't always control it. It's difficult, but it's just a part of the process. I always feel bad for getting angry, but I want women to know it's completely natural and you can't feel ashamed for your feelings. Now just try not to act on them. When I get difficult news or feel myself getting upset or angry, I can recognize that and know I need some time to process everything. Once I have that time to myself, I'm fine and things can go back to normal(ish) again.

 

Stage 3. Bargaining – I promise not to complain about anything if you just let us have a healthy baby. It doesn’t work and it’s illogical, but it is a way to cope.

I've done a lot of pleading and bargaining personally and I'm sure there's more where that comes from. Sometimes you feel that's all you can do.

 

Stage 4. Grief – Feeling numb or lonely and crying at everything. In a funk. 

I go through this stage probably once a month for at least a day. Not fun. 

 

Stage 5. Hope – Feeling like yourself again. Hope that you can do this and that you might be pregnant. When the test is negative, you start over at stage 1. 

Hope is a good state to be in. It's the starting over that's not fun.