January 1, 2012

Well, it's a new year and I'm still not pregnant. I took a test a couple days before Christmas and thought how cool it would be to tell everyone at the holidays. I even bought extra tests, so I could put one in Starr's stocking on Christmas morning. As it turns out, I don't need them yet. It was actually good timing because I was distracted with all the business of the holidays and didn't have much time to dwell on it. 
My sister gave me a book called "Wait" and it was a nice poem about God's timing and how He answers us with that simple, but difficult response to our questions. WAIT. It's not something I've ever been really great at, but I think I'm doing better. Sure, I have my days, but for the most part, I've improved with my patience and the understanding that I might not get the yes I want right away (or at all). So, now I wait. 
I also found a blog about infertility and really enjoyed reading that. It was the first time I really said or acknowledged that I am infertile right now, that we're snuggling with infertility issues. And it was great reading these strangers stories that so closely resembled mine. Even if the circumstances didn't line up (some have been trying for years, some doing IVF, some adopting, some fresh in the process, older in age, some with medical issues, etc.), but no matter the situation, the feelings lined up. The crazy emotions, the 5 stages of grief, the peeing on sticks, the things people shouldn't say to you and more. I loved the honesty these women had and the fact that they're willing to share their story, just hoping to help someone ... not knowing there's little old me reading everything and hanging so tightly to their words, their stories, their struggle and sometimes triumph. It's amazing. I appreciate that knowing I'm not alone or crazy, came from that unexpected source. I'm looking forward to 2012 and to seeing what it will bring us. 2011 started so high, came quickly crashing down, then brought us so many blessings and adventures. We're probably most grateful to be home in Tulsa with our families. I'm looking forward to the next adventure. Good night.