I don't know who to write to anymore, so I just leave that space empty for now. One day I'll have a "Dear so and so" entry again. I cried myself to sleep last night. It was the first time I've done that since the day I found out I was losing the baby - one week ago today. Although it wasn't like the first time when I was crying so hard I could barely breathe ... it was more of a silent, still cry. I'll take that as progress! Last night I finally resolved to start talking to people again. So many people have called to check on me and I've found it's much easier to ignore the call than to answer and tell them the truth. Part of me knows they just want to hear my voice and know I'm okay. But, I also know I'm not really okay and I don't want to bother them with the sadness. But, that changes today. I need to talk to friends and I need to start having some normalcy because I have to go back to work tomorrow.
Dell has been so great through this whole thing. He is patient, concerned, supportive, helpful ... everything. Yesterday he brought me dinner and a movie I could watch today - just so thoughtful. I love him so much and know we'll be even stronger and closer because of this. For that, I am grateful.
You are a precious soul. Thanks for being so candid and sharing your life. I know that you know that God has big plans for you and Dell. The hard part is not knowing and waiting. As tears rolled down my face while I read your blog entry on Sunday, I thought about my own children and I also thought about my husband who is adopted. His life was forever changed because of two people who desperately wanted a child. I know that you want to have a child that you both share together, but I also know that people like you and Dell are rare. You both have so much love to give. I pray that you will have a baby soon, but I hope that you will also be open to all of the precious souls out there that need someone special in their lives like you. I hope that I haven't miss spoken by sharing my feelings about adoption. But considering your openess about your feelings I thought you might not mind if I shared mine as well. Sometimes the best blessings happen when you least expect them.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Gina. You are not out of line at all. Of course it's something we've talked about and would further consider. I know there is a way for us and I'm just waiting to see where the path leads for now. Thanks for your kind words and for reading my story.
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