August 5, 2012

Okay, so the truth is, it’s not all roses and rainbows. If I’m being honest, I have to admit that I’m still really freaked out at times and I can’t help it when worry, fear or anxiety creeps in. Yes, I love being pregnant and I am still so happy to be experiencing this. However, I think it’s only human that, having been through what I’ve been through, I still worry. I had an upset stomach Friday night and woke up Saturday morning feeling really scared and emotional. For the past couple weeks, I’ve been able to feel where the baby is in my stomach. And she moves around … sometimes she’s on the left side, sometimes the right, sometimes right by my belly button or near my ribs. But, always shifting around. For the past few days, I haven’t felt her move around and it’s hard to tell where she is. 

Okay. Then, I also realize I haven’t gained any weight for the past two weeks and I don’t know why. 

Okay, then it all hits me at once. What if something’s wrong? I cried to Dell and told him I’m just worried and had been praying for a sign that the baby is okay for the past few days. There’s been no sign. I wish I had called the doctor a couple days ago instead of waiting till the weekend. I know it sounds like I’m emotional and crazy, and maybe I am. But, when you are in this situation, you just want to find peace and make sure the baby is okay. 

So, Saturday we went to Oklahoma City for a family reunion with Dell’s mom’s side of the family. The first thing his mom asks when she sees me is if I’ve been feeling the baby move. Ugh, I was dreading this. I hold it together and say “no, not really.” We meet up with his family and his brother asks the same thing. “How’s my niece? Is she moving around a lot?” I feel like it’s a cruel joke or a mind game I don’t want to play. So, I brush it off and try to think positive.

We don’t go to bed until after midnight and I wake up around 4am with severe pain. I went to the bathroom not sure if I just had an upset stomach or if something was wrong with the baby. I sat on the toilet cramping up and crying for about 30 minutes just begging for it to stop. Finally, I was able to go back to bed and felt better after breakfast that morning. 

I’m sure everything’s fine and this is all totally normal, but I don’t know. I don’t have anything to compare it to and I need peace of mind. So, I am calling the doctor first thing tomorrow morning to see if I can come check on the baby.